It’s not secret that my blogging as of late has been, shall we say, sporadic. Less than regular. Infrequent. (I’m out of nice ways of saying it.) While it’s true that I have been busy, that’s really not an excuse. After all, all seven of you who read this are busy too. Every other person who blogs is busy too. (Okay, maybe not that one guy who lives in his mom’s basesment and has a blog dedicated to conspiracy theories that tie in with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He probably has some spare time. But everyone else? Busy).

Part of the reason for my abscence is that I’ve been struggling with whether or not I wanted to continue blogging. You may have noticed I’ve “shut it down” at times only to come right back. I struggled with this for two reasons…

First, I’m not convinced blogs are necessarily that great of a means of communication. They seem to be a way to provide easy access for anyone who wants to say anything - which is not always a good thing. These two quotes sum up my thoughts on this:

“The blogosphere is the friend of information but the enemy of thought.”–Alan Jacobs

“There is no inherent virtue to instantaneity.”–Joseph Rago

That being said, I think that blogging has also been a great advancement for many of us, and has provided me with a good (albeit public) outlet to think through things for the past several years. I started blogging right around the time we began gathering a core group for Kaleo, so it really has chronicled my life since that point.

My bigger struggle, and the one that has wayed on me most, is the fact that reading blogs are not good for my soul, for the most part. Now, I’m not talking about those blogs that act more as minute by minute diaries of your day. (I woke up, I fed the cats, then I went to the store, etc.) I’ve never read those. Yuck. (Aplogies if you blog about your cat-feeding patterns on a regular basis.) I’m talking about the blogs I read several times a day - ministry blogs. Other pastors’ blogs. There’s where my problem lies.

You see, the past few months have been full of a lot of realizations for me - about myself, about my ministry, and about who I want to be. All of this is for another post, another time - but the bottom line is that I’m no longer interested in doing “church” as is propogated by 99.9% of the blogs that I’d read consistently. I’m not trying to build a Christian “organization”. I’m not trying to market a Sunday service (wait, I forgot we’re supposed to call them “Irresistible Environments”) so that I can gain a bigger portion of the Houston “market share”. I’m not trying to one-up myself and strive for something new each week (”You’ll NEVER believe what’s coming this Sunday! You’ve NEVER seen this in church before!” Really? Frankly, if it’s never been done in church before, I think there might be a good reason.) But I’m getting ahead of myself - like I said, that’s another post.

But I’ve read those blogs. A lot. And as I do, I find all kinds of things stirring inside of me. I find myself wanting to be something that I don’t really want to be. I find myself wondering what might happen if we tried those things. Maybe we need more marketing. Maybe I need to use more video. Maybe it’s about props in my message. I find myself feeling jealous. Envious. Wishing we were as cool as they were. Wishing that we were something that we’re not, and that I know at my core I DON’T want to be. Reading those blogs gave me permission to want things that I know God’s already dealt with me about and called me away from. I’m a pastor. I’m not a CEO, I’m not a master of leadership-development. I’m not a marketing expert. I’m not a sociologist. I’m not a MBA in organizational development. I’m a pastor who loves the people God’s brought to us (Kaleo) and the people God’s called us to love and serve (Houston).

So a few weeks ago, I pulled the plug. I dropped out of the matrix. I don’t read blogs anymore. (With the exception of those belonging to my wife and best friend). I can’t tell you who said what, which church is running how many, who is doing what next, or what the latest box score is. And it has been wonderful. I feel more alive. I feel more like myself. And I am walking closer to Jesus than I have in a long, long time. If you have one of those blogs that I don’t read anymore - that’s great. Keep doing what you do. Just know that I’m not reading.

So my struggle has been - as a blog addict, and one who has found it to be really unhealthy - can I continue to write my own blog? I think I can. I don’t know how often I’ll post - probably a few times a week. More specifically - when I feel like I have something worth saying. (Rest assured, when Shannon goes into labor in the next few weeks, I’ll be sure to post our daughter’s first pictures!) So if you’re still reading - I hope you’ll stick around. I hope you’ll join the conversation. I might not win any awards, but I’m looking forward to the next chapter of kaleobill.